Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
