Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
