you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
