well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
