This girl is more easily done than said...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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