fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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