I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
