Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
