ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
