North Korea, Best Korea!
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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