ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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