I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
