end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
