Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
