**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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