Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
