my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
