it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
