I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
