You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
