She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
