I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
