Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
