if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
