I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
