the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
