I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
