my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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