I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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