evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize