I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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