turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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