woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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