My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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