WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
