I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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