its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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