He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
