the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We need to get me chipped asap
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
