she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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