He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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