Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
