there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
