Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
