when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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