There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
