the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
