either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
she woke up with a sticky ear
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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