your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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