She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
