no you cant smoke seaweed
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
