You can't motorboat a personality
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
