So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
