in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Can you bring me the toilet please
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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